Saturday, April 10, 2010

All that it could have been...

It is not what I thought it would be....." Kya socha tha kya ho gaya"...
Have you ever had these words flowing out of you?

I find myself bombarded with questions....Why did this happen ? What was to be and what not to be?... who decides this? Who am I to judge that it was supposed to be this way and not the other?

I may or may not have control over what has happened by I sure had control over what I did. What happened was surely affected by my action. Does this mean I knew what might come and ignored it?

We human beings are fascinating creatures...we dream, we think , we imagine of ideas..of places , of situations , of possibilities. We strive to achieve what our conscience told us to be.... By our actions we choose the direction where we want to go, with no certainty of reaching the set goal.

Coming to the second part of this..."The Goal". A simple word which eludes comprehension by the emotional part of a Human's mind....I'm not talking of the "SMART" ( specific, measurable, attainable ...blah blah ) corporate goals, I'm talking about the goals that an human mind intuitively creates when we think..when we dream, we imagine.. For example: I say my goal is "to be happy" ... an easy to comprehend 3 words.

So that means I do whatever I do because I get happiness from it, if not immediately then in the future... Time passes day by day then one fine day I pause, sit down to think were am I on my path to happiness which leads me to recollect what was my "goal" that I decided... Being happy.. lots of emotions attached to the words...

See for yourself.. just sit back close of your eyes and say the word "happy" your mind will be filled with memories ... you are running in the rain as kid..winning your first ever award..riding a bike for the 1st time.. completing school ..laughing with friends.. going to college..getting snug with your first love.. first paycheck.. Then you open your eyes and think " I don't have anything like this now" so does that mean that I am not happy? does this mean I wont be happy ever??

"What could have been"... "what if I had..." Do I dwell in these thoughts of mine?? Its a vicious circle.. the more you think of it the more you let these thought swirl so much so to create a whirlpool that sucks you in... like a black hole that consumes everything that comes near it...
NO i do not want to be sucked into this vortex ..this is not "happy"!! nowhere near it!!

Logically speaking.. thinking about whether I'm "happy" sucked me into a vortex of melancholy does this mean that I should stop thinking of "what is to be" or what "it was" ? Should I live each day as it comes by and act like I have nothing to lose ?? Isn't this a contradiction to what a man is and that a man is defined by this thoughts ? Is a sloshed man at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol "happier" than me, a logically thinking man?

No, because I know that man isn't living in the reality, he is in a world of illusion , same as a man who lives his life taking each day as it comes without thinking of where he is and where does he have to go. The way I think defines me, controls my action and to an extent the things that happen in my life. If I stop thinking then what is the difference between me and an animal left in the streets?

Like everything in life, there needs to be a balance here ... We need to take control of our thoughts rather than to let them wreak a havoc over us.We need to learn how to 'think happy' . Maybe sometimes ignorance IS bliss, but then you need to come out of it and continue the search for happiness....

We dream of the perfect life.. Strive to get there as it keeps eluding us like a mirage..so engrossed are we in this chase, so blinded are we by this mirage that the place we are seems so very insignificant that it makes us unhappy... Is it really so? Pause..look around you ... so many people, so much happening.. Help someone in trouble without expecting anything in return , observe nature, observe how life flows in a city, fall in love, be weird, smile, look at the stars and feel how microscopically tiny part of the universe are we... Do what you like, have a vision, work for it but don't get sad saying you are not there or you will never be. So what if you never reach there.. It was 'your' vision and you worked for it, learnt from your mistakes and kept trying... you had a purpose in life. Every second that passes us by is unique..Do we have the time for contemplating and being sad ? I don't think so...

I don't want to find happiness... happiness will find me.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

as i always said u r too good...keep up the good thinking....

swati lal said...

i knew u r gud at writing ...but i dint know u were toooooooooo gooooodddd........ at first i saw tht it ws a 2 big article to read at 11 at night.... but actually it ws so intresting tht at d end i said uuhh its over......... keep it up tanay.... luv u (i hope u grlfrenZZ dont mind)